It has been three years since the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

Of all the hundreds of shocking images of those first weeks of the horrors of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, it’s ones from the early days of violence, when a maternity hospital in Mariupol was bombed, that have most seared themselves onto my heart. Maybe you remember the photo of a young, heavily pregnant woman in polka dot pyjamas, desperately running down the bombed-out stairs and then – thank God – photos of her with her newborn baby shortly afterwards.

Other photos were even more distressing – soldiers carrying pregnant women on stretchers out of the shattered ruins of the building. The woman in the polka dot pyjamas survived, and her baby was born shortly afterwards. Others from that hospital did not survive.

Art from the Domestic Abuse safeguarding conference

It is women who suffer most in war. They suffer most because civilians make up 70% of those caught up in violence, they suffer because the majority of refugees are women, they suffer at the hands of soldiers, they suffer because women always suffer when law and order break down.

And what we see in Ukraine, and South Sudan, in Afghanistan and Yemen, and in all the other hidden conflicts around the world, is the extreme end of a spectrum of disadvantage, discrimination and violence experienced by women in every society – including ours.

UK police record a domestic abuse case every 40 seconds.

The Mothers Union, one of the most powerful global voices for women, put it starkly in an important campaign they are running. 1 in 3 women around the world experience physical or sexual violence.

I have three daughters so that statistic cuts deep.

I want to speak to the men

Art by Red, from the Domestic Abuse safeguarding conference

I want to speak to the men. It’s men who need to take responsibility in this – not in the way men so often take the lead, by taking over, but by acknowledging that the problem is largely ours. That it is men who perpetrate acts of violence against women, men who benefit from discrimination and that it’s men who need to change.

And there are some particular challenges around at the moment. Andrew Tate and other male voices of hatred and misogyny are worryingly popular, especially amongst teens and young men. And some of what we’re seeing in the US, including from the new Trump administration, are justifying and amplifying those voices.

And as we engage with these challenges, we need to acknowledge – I need to acknowledge – that Christianity and the church have contributed to the inequality that we see around us.

How places that should be safe are used and abused, to misuse power to enable or allow violence against women.

And that’s enabled when we say things like ‘that kind of thing doesn’t happen here’ or ‘all that training the diocese makes us do is such a hassle. Now they’re saying we have to do domestic abuse training too.’

And we also need to be honest that the bible includes stories of violence against women, and that those stories have been used, and are used, to tolerate, condone and promote discrimination and worse.

But the Scriptures are a complex tangle of narratives and voices, perspectives and people. And while we must acknowledge that there are ‘texts of terror’ that speak of violence against women, there are also, sometimes hidden away and sometimes there in plain sight, other voices; voices that undermine inequality, which call out injustice and which refuse to allow us to tolerate any kind of violence or abuse against women.

And top of the list of those voices, is Mary.

Astonishing, strong, brave, imaginative Mary. Faithful, creative, prophetic Mary. Generous Mary. Mary, mother of God.

But even Mary, the woman whose consent changed the world, has been used to shore up male power and authority. Mary, who was so brave and bold in saying yes to God, despite the shame it would bring upon her, has been over-spiritualised and robbed of personality.

Mary, who gave her active consent and, in her own power and authority, said ‘yes’, has been portrayed as a mere vessel, there simply to carry a baby.

Mary, who must have had calloused hands and rough feet, has been painted as a pure, white-robed ghost, floating above the dirty world.

Mary speaks. And she speaks with authority

But still, even through all the projections and attempts to keep her silent, Mary speaks. And she speaks with authority.

She tells us that God always seeks consent. That when he calls us to do his work, however big or small, it’s an invitation that he makes, and that we can say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

And Mary tells us that to say ‘yes’ requires strength and a willingness to be bold. That saying yes might well mean getting our hands dirty and may well lead us to suffering, as well as to joy.

And she reminds us that at the heart of God’s work is scattering the imagination of the hearts of those who are proud enough to think they’re in charge; it’s bringing the powerful down from their thrones and lifting up the lowly; it’s filling the hungry with good food; it’s sending the rich away empty.

And this is the mother who brought up Jesus. The one who taught him, who shaped his imagination and who introduced him to the world, to people and to his work.

This strong, faith-filled woman, who saw the injustice of the world and called it out, was the one who shaped Jesus’ mind and imagination.

No wonder Jesus treated women differently. No wonder he broke taboos, refused to allow a woman caught in adultery to suffer violence, telling the men picking up stones to leave her alone. No wonder he hung out with women you weren’t meant to hang out with. No wonder he was able to be tender and gentle, to express emotion. No wonder. Mary after all, was his mother.

God stands against violence

There are elements in our traditions, practices and theology that have been, and are, used and abused to cause harm to women. But there are stronger voices, clearer stories and more truthful theologies that tell us something different. That tell us that God stands against violence, and that Jesus came to show us what that looks like.

And it’s those voices and stories that we need to put at the heart of our communities.